I never realized until just recently the way that certain things stay with you, and continue to hurt you, no matter how far you try to push them from your mind and convince yourself that you're over it all. It's an awful feeling to continue be hurt by actions of another person that happened about a year ago. I never expected all these emotions to come rushing back as vivid memories/nightmares as I begin to grow closer to someone else. Memories in that I thought they were good... no, great... at the time, nightmares in the way that they ended. I guess that makes the memories to be more like nightmares because I now know how they ended. I hate that this certain individual hurt me the way he did; I hate that I have trouble letting other guys get close now; I hate that these thoughts resurface, even as things with someone else now seem to be good and healthy. I hate his actions and choices he made in the way that he treated me and so many other girls, and I hate that I probably haven't crossed his mind for months and he probably feels no remorse for what he did. I hate that it is me who now pays for what he put me through. I hate that no matter what I do, the pain and hurt he left me with seem like they are going to stay with me for a long time to come.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Time.
If I was a good PA student, I would be studying right now. But I decided after my best friend from home, Pete, texted me tonight, that it was about time that I create another (short) blog posting. This all was spurred by me asking him how he is doing on this "fine last evening of June 2011." The final evening of June 2011. Wow. Where in the world does time go? I talk about this with my friends all the time... we're always all so busy caught up in school work and the little bit of social time that we can fit in in between. And now that we're in the professional phase of our education, it's going even faster. Yes, my mom (and probably every other adult in my life) always said "just you wait... it goes even faster with every year that passes"... I totally get it. And then I look at pictures from home... everyone is still at home, drinking and partying with the same old people they did in high school, and then there's the kids who are five years older than me and are drinking with kids still in high school. I guess I just don't get it. What is the point of drinking your life away? Why not make the most of your life in this short time that we are here on earth, and do something meaningful? Looking at those pictures makes me glad that I'm not at home anymore. True, there's plenty of partying that goes on on the college campus as well, but at least I have my friends who are following their mission in life and are working to fulfill God's purpose for them. Then there's the other people who I just don't know about... Do they even care, or are they just working on satisfying themselves? I don't know... I guess that I just don't see the point in wasting the precious time that goes faster with every year, every month, every day that passes. We may be young, but why not break the stereotype of the drunk, selfish, individual in their early 20s and make something of ourselves? After all, if we don't grow up now, when will we?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Dominican Republic 2011 Medical Mission Trip Reflection
From Feb. 26 until Mar. 5, I had the pleasure of returning to the Dominican Republic for my second mission trip through Orphanage Outreach. This time though, I stayed solely with the medical team. With 5 providers, we provided care for 631 patients in 4 days. I got to translate and it was the most incredible experience of my life. Not only did it combine my two main loves, Spanish and Medicine, but it affirmed everything that I am doing with my life. It gave me the strength and motivation to keep learning and growing and become the best Physician Assistant that I can be. I know that continuing this type of work is definitely what I am meant to do, and will make it a priority to continue to take mission trips for the rest of my life. I acknowledge that I probably won't work full-time in a developing country, but think that I truly am meant to work with under-served, poor, and culturally diverse populations. I love being able to serve "the least of these," and spread God's love to them.
There were a few things that particularly struck me on this trip for whatever reason. As always, I am in awe over they have very little material-wise, but have everything in every other (much more important) way - faith, family, and friends. Not only that, they take great pride in the little that they do have. They are happy and satisfied with what they have in life, and do not ask for more, but rather send us off with gifts when we leave. Why is it that so many other people in this world who are abundantly rich in materialistic items continue to want for more possessions, and do not always fully appreciate their family, friends, and faith? It's quite an eye-opener, and I love their culture and would gladly trade that life style any day for what I have. And yet, I recognize that God, my father, has blessed me abundantly, and that I should use my talents and blessings to benefit others.
Another thing that I found quite fun was the way that music bridges cultures. Quite often, we listen to similar music, if not the same music as they do. For example, when "Waka, Waka" by Shakira came on the radio during a bus ride, everyone started singing. The bus driver loved it! There were many other similar stories as well, and the music brought everyone together, regardless if people knew the song or could even understand it, as we all took joy in the musical rhythms that were floating from the speakers.
The beauty of language is another thing that never ceases to amaze me. To begin with, I think it's incredible that people even know the dynamic equivalent of other languages in comparison to their own. I mean, I understand Spanish fine, but only because I was taught it and continue to learn it through talking with native speakers. The same goes for any language... I think that it's absolutely incredible that we are all able to communicate with each other. Even for the ones with limited ability in a second language, they are still able to get by, and even if they don't understand the spoken language, gestures and love works just as well. Maybe that's all it is: love. The love that seems to be formed between anyone involved in these trips: volunteers, patients, random people we meet on the streets, there is always a sense of love between everyone. For me, that is one of the purest signs of God's presence on these trips, and that is beautiful. Maybe that's why I'm so addicted to this work; God is always present and alive and at work in our lives. Beautiful.
There were a few things that particularly struck me on this trip for whatever reason. As always, I am in awe over they have very little material-wise, but have everything in every other (much more important) way - faith, family, and friends. Not only that, they take great pride in the little that they do have. They are happy and satisfied with what they have in life, and do not ask for more, but rather send us off with gifts when we leave. Why is it that so many other people in this world who are abundantly rich in materialistic items continue to want for more possessions, and do not always fully appreciate their family, friends, and faith? It's quite an eye-opener, and I love their culture and would gladly trade that life style any day for what I have. And yet, I recognize that God, my father, has blessed me abundantly, and that I should use my talents and blessings to benefit others.
Another thing that I found quite fun was the way that music bridges cultures. Quite often, we listen to similar music, if not the same music as they do. For example, when "Waka, Waka" by Shakira came on the radio during a bus ride, everyone started singing. The bus driver loved it! There were many other similar stories as well, and the music brought everyone together, regardless if people knew the song or could even understand it, as we all took joy in the musical rhythms that were floating from the speakers.
The beauty of language is another thing that never ceases to amaze me. To begin with, I think it's incredible that people even know the dynamic equivalent of other languages in comparison to their own. I mean, I understand Spanish fine, but only because I was taught it and continue to learn it through talking with native speakers. The same goes for any language... I think that it's absolutely incredible that we are all able to communicate with each other. Even for the ones with limited ability in a second language, they are still able to get by, and even if they don't understand the spoken language, gestures and love works just as well. Maybe that's all it is: love. The love that seems to be formed between anyone involved in these trips: volunteers, patients, random people we meet on the streets, there is always a sense of love between everyone. For me, that is one of the purest signs of God's presence on these trips, and that is beautiful. Maybe that's why I'm so addicted to this work; God is always present and alive and at work in our lives. Beautiful.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Leadership
Alright. So today I went to a leadership conference at Mount Aloysius College, which isn't too far from Saint Francis. You never know how those types of things can be, but I was looking forward to the opportunity to meet students from other schools and see what kind of fresh ideas they have. I especially was hoping to hear about what they do to get their group members motivated and help with various projects and events throughout the year, since this is something the group I lead, Hugs United, has historically struggled with. Well, much to my surprise, there was a common story of frustration being told by all of the leaders about how it's difficult to get full participation, and it's often the club/organization officers who do the majority of the work. Wow. I couldn't believe it. This type of situation wasn't unique to just Saint Francis, but is rather a common woe held by all the groups who were represented today. I honestly was very shocked to hear this, but honestly a little relieved to know that we are not alone in this battle.
So now the question becomes... what do we do about this? How is it that we get people motivated to pull their full load and become leaders as well? We need to develop leaders starting from a younger age. Show people that they are appreciated and that what they're doing really is making a difference. As leaders ourselves, we cannot be afraid to delegate tasks and pass our duties onto others and have a fear of failure in doing so. Yes, we may hit some speed bumps and trip a little bit, but if we can develop strong leaders from the time that they enter the campus community, our organizations and campus as a whole will be a lot better because of it.
I know that I'm personally becoming kind of exciting of passing my duties onto someone else, and letting them take over the necessary work that is needed to organize an international missions trip. I have been really nervous about having to do this, but now I realize that being able to EMPOWER someone else, and trust them with this duty, I'll be allowing another individual the opportunity to develop into a stronger leader who can continue to empower others through our group's mission. There is not a cookie cutter handout for what makes a good leader, and it will be interesting to see in which direction our organization will go in the future. We made a lot of progress this year, and as we continue to embrace new and diverse ideas and people, we'll continue to grow, and be better through it.
While today helped generate a lot of new ideas of what to do on our campus, it actually helped to calm some of my fears for the future as well. And I think that that, my friends, is a successful day.
So now the question becomes... what do we do about this? How is it that we get people motivated to pull their full load and become leaders as well? We need to develop leaders starting from a younger age. Show people that they are appreciated and that what they're doing really is making a difference. As leaders ourselves, we cannot be afraid to delegate tasks and pass our duties onto others and have a fear of failure in doing so. Yes, we may hit some speed bumps and trip a little bit, but if we can develop strong leaders from the time that they enter the campus community, our organizations and campus as a whole will be a lot better because of it.
I know that I'm personally becoming kind of exciting of passing my duties onto someone else, and letting them take over the necessary work that is needed to organize an international missions trip. I have been really nervous about having to do this, but now I realize that being able to EMPOWER someone else, and trust them with this duty, I'll be allowing another individual the opportunity to develop into a stronger leader who can continue to empower others through our group's mission. There is not a cookie cutter handout for what makes a good leader, and it will be interesting to see in which direction our organization will go in the future. We made a lot of progress this year, and as we continue to embrace new and diverse ideas and people, we'll continue to grow, and be better through it.
While today helped generate a lot of new ideas of what to do on our campus, it actually helped to calm some of my fears for the future as well. And I think that that, my friends, is a successful day.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Why so worried?
Okeydokey, So I haven't blogged at all since my first post, and I don't know why. I was feeling inspired at the time that I started my blog, but lately, I just feel like I've been kind of dead and lifeless in terms of the thoughts that go through my head. I just wasn't really feeling too moved to write anything. But now, I think it's time to write.
Why is it that so many of us continue to make the mistake of chasing false hopes and dreams? -- The perfect someone to be your other half, the life you dream of, the perfect job, spouse, and family, when we really don't know at all what the Lord has in store for us. Yes, it's great to look forward, in prospects of what has yet to come, but why do we become so depressed and worried about the now? Now is the time to live, the time to love, the time to learn, feel, and experience. The time to grow and become that person that we are meant to be. I fully believe that God loves when we have strong aspirations, but to let our aspirations and false hopes get in the way of our eternal life with Him is ridiculous. Now is the time to let go, let live, and be one with God. He'll take us where we're supposed to be. It's time to stop worrying and trust that He will take care of us, and never give up on us, despite our imperfections and sin. So today is the first day of forever with Him, and I trust that he'll bring me the perfect man (if that's what he wants for me), the right job, and every other purpose and opportunity that He has meant for me to fulfill so that I can best serve Him and His word. I hope that I never lose sight of this.
Why is it that so many of us continue to make the mistake of chasing false hopes and dreams? -- The perfect someone to be your other half, the life you dream of, the perfect job, spouse, and family, when we really don't know at all what the Lord has in store for us. Yes, it's great to look forward, in prospects of what has yet to come, but why do we become so depressed and worried about the now? Now is the time to live, the time to love, the time to learn, feel, and experience. The time to grow and become that person that we are meant to be. I fully believe that God loves when we have strong aspirations, but to let our aspirations and false hopes get in the way of our eternal life with Him is ridiculous. Now is the time to let go, let live, and be one with God. He'll take us where we're supposed to be. It's time to stop worrying and trust that He will take care of us, and never give up on us, despite our imperfections and sin. So today is the first day of forever with Him, and I trust that he'll bring me the perfect man (if that's what he wants for me), the right job, and every other purpose and opportunity that He has meant for me to fulfill so that I can best serve Him and His word. I hope that I never lose sight of this.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Blessed
Here it is, Thanksgiving day, and one can't help but think of how lucky/blessed they are to have everything in their life. Sure, life isn't always perfect, and there's definitely people who seem to be better off than others. However, when it comes down to it, the most important things in life are your faith, family, and friends. All the other petty, material items we have really don't matter in the long run. Well, I'm happy to say that I'm blessed to have all three: my faith, family, and friends. These blessings are made increasingly apparent to me as I grow older and more mature. I've grown into my faith so much over the past year and a half or so, which I'm so thankful for. Coming home from college for vacation is always amazing, and having the love of my brother, sisters, and parents right there at my side is awesome. Heck, it's always there, even when I'm a few hours away at school. Then there's my friends, both old and new, from NY, PA, MD, Mexico, and God only knows where else. I just can't help but acknowledge my blessings. And to be completely honest, it's really all those special people I have in my life, those who I've formed relationships with, that are the things I'm most thankful for. I've thought about this a lot lately - I've shared a lot of great moments lately with my friends at school; I have come home and reunited with friends from High School, and that's always so sweet; I just received a personalized video message from a boy I met and grew close to while working at Pronino orphanage in Honduras during Spring Break of '08; now tonight I talked to three different Mexican friends who I met while I was there this past summer. Yep, there's no denying it. I'm extremely blessed. Blessed to have the loving family I do, blessed to be grounded in my faith, blessed to have such amazing and sincere friends (in what seems to be) all over the world. What an incredible feeling to acknowledge all these blessings.
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