I never realized until just recently the way that certain things stay with you, and continue to hurt you, no matter how far you try to push them from your mind and convince yourself that you're over it all. It's an awful feeling to continue be hurt by actions of another person that happened about a year ago. I never expected all these emotions to come rushing back as vivid memories/nightmares as I begin to grow closer to someone else. Memories in that I thought they were good... no, great... at the time, nightmares in the way that they ended. I guess that makes the memories to be more like nightmares because I now know how they ended. I hate that this certain individual hurt me the way he did; I hate that I have trouble letting other guys get close now; I hate that these thoughts resurface, even as things with someone else now seem to be good and healthy. I hate his actions and choices he made in the way that he treated me and so many other girls, and I hate that I probably haven't crossed his mind for months and he probably feels no remorse for what he did. I hate that it is me who now pays for what he put me through. I hate that no matter what I do, the pain and hurt he left me with seem like they are going to stay with me for a long time to come.
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